Landon

I'm tired of saying good-bye to children. I'm tired of watching kids suffer. I'm tired of death's sting.
My friend, Landon, went to be with Jesus last night. He's been battling cancer for a couple of years and fought like no other kid I've ever seen. He was a beast. He was amazing. He inspired people all over the world with his strength.
He will be missed.
Landon's family has gone to our church for many years. I had his oldest sister in confirmation class 5 years ago. She graduates from high school this weekend.
Both of his sisters love him ferociously.
Landon was in the nursery with my daughter and they grew up in Sunday School together. Landon's mom, Jaymi, was a Sunday School Shepherd for their class up until a few months before Landon was diagnosed. How do I tell my girl that he's gone after she prayed so diligently? How do I minister to all the kids this Sunday who've been praying for healing?
The truth of God's healing is that sometimes it happens on the other side of glory. Sometimes God allows us to be softened and broken in prayer in order to draw closer to Him. I don't believe God answered us with a "no." I believe he answered us with a "not here." Landon did receive his healing. It was just in a more miraculous way than our earthly minds can comprehend. Landon fought the fight and won the race as he crossed into the arms of Jesus. That's the promise and the hope of the resurrection that we receive through our baptism in Christ Jesus.

Mother's Day

 
 



Mother's Day is tricky. Every year I really want it to be a day that allows my family to celebrate me. That's what it's for, right? Family celebrating mom?  Every year though, since I've been a mom, it's a day that leaves me physically and emotionally exhausted.
I love my kids with all my heart. I prayed for them to be my kids. Chuck and I tried for years to bring these kids into existence. They are each a blessing to my heart in ways I will never be able to make them understand. My heart swells with joy and pride when they smile at me.
I still hate Mother's Day. It's a reminder that my own mom gave up on life - and me - and succumbed to depression, taking her own life. It's a reminder that being my mom was not enough if she could no longer be a wife.
I hate that.
I want to focus on what I have. I want to revel in the flowers and the grilling of yummy foods prepared just for me. I want to lay back with a book and put my feet up and fall asleep with my kids laughter lilting on the breeze.
"Focus on your blessings!" others suggest.
"Look at what you have, not what you have not!" some have said.
Yes. Yes. Those are great ideas that I have tried many times over. My heart aches anyway. I'd rather skip the day altogether. My husband and kids do a great job of appreciating me on any given day. I don't need a special focus day. Maybe next year we can go away somewhere where there is no Mother's Day. Is there a place? I should start planning now.

Chaos in the Still

This is one of my favorite places in the whole entire world. I don't have to go far to get there because it's right in my back yard. One of the best times of day is early, before the heat of Houston becomes outrageous and the humidity is still packing it's energy to unleash on the day.

I like to take my coffee out and sit as still as possible. This is a feat in and of itself for an extrovert. Being quiet and still goes against most of who I am but yet I find it a necessity lately. I can sit with my feet propped up and watch the chaos of the yard.
It truly is chaotic, which may be why I can go there to be still. The water is flowing from the spa into the pool in a gentle rushing while the wind is making light waves on the tanning deck. The bees swoop in and out of the bottle brush flowers right behind my head, forcing me to be statuesque as to remain unnoticed. The blue jay sees me and is angry that I'm in his yard but when he realizes how still I am he makes his way to the feeder with the cardinal. The sparrows that have recently built a family home in my dryer vent race back and forth to the feeder, making lightening fast darts through the porch. The doves are on the ground cooing as they pick up the seeds the cardinal and blue jay knock down below. The branches on the tree need trimmed so they are scraping the gutters with a low screech and the squirrels are using  the branches as a personal walkway from the treetop to the roof of the house.
All of this noise amidst my quiet time reminds me how I need to take time to be still and breathe. I have to remember that God is God and that the world spins and moves regardless of my noticing. Really though, it's so much sweeter when I notice.