Pie and Margaritas Don't Feed Bromeliads

A dear friend gave me a bromeliad plant for my birthday. I was touched because it's a beautiful plant and I'm really trying to turn my brown thumb green. She leaned in and said, "Read the tag. It's just like you."
The tag says, "Durable plant. Dramatic central flower."
We laughed, probably a little too much, at how true a statement it was. I am durable and strong. And dramatic.
It's amazing the difference a few days can make. Last week I was in a place of thankfulness and peace. I was strong and durable. I was praising God for another year of life and honestly feeling like I was pretty close to having this whole "life" thing figured out. I might have given lessons if the opportunity had risen. That's where I was.
Then I went back to work. I engaged people outside of my home. I interacted with that life that I thought I had mastered. I fell flat on my face.
The first situation was one where I realized I had been left out of something I deemed as important. My pride was hurt in such a deep, slashing movement when I learned that the world was able to turn just fine without me. While my logical brain knew that to be true, I've never claimed to spend too much time in my logical brain.
The second situation was dealing with a difficult person and thinking I could handle it all on my own. "I don't need to bother God with this. He's busy. I'm familiar. I've got this." Never have more prideful words been thought.
The third situation came last night when someone said something online that was so insensitive and hurtful and revealing about his true heart that I'm not sure how I will recover.
Scratch that. I do know how. I'll start with laying it down in God's lap. Then I'll not make a pie.  I relied on pie and margaritas the past couple of days, knowing full well that while delicious, neither lend to a durable Tamara.
So let's recap. My plan to move forward in life, get back on the track of awareness and thankfulness includes:
1) Lots of Jesus
2) No pie
3) No margaritas
I'll eventually have pie again. I know I'll partake in margarita's again. There's no reason in my world for me to not enjoy those things. What I want to avoid is putting them before Jesus. When I hand my life to him and submit to his will for me, I can be a bromeliad. I can be durable through the power of Jesus.

Happy Birthday

I love my birthday. I love my birthday much more as an adult than I ever did as a child, and I really loved it as a child.
My birthday is the 4th of July, which means it's shared with everyone in the USA. The great part is that most people have the day off and are expecting a party. The bad part is, well, I guess there is no bad part. It's a great day to have a birthday.
When I was little we always had a party with barbecue chicken, potato salad, and cake. My mom made the best cakes. I usually requested white cake with strawberry filling and she'd cover it in butter cream that would melt in your mouth. She made the most beautiful roses from butter cream and she'd put them all over my cake. They were almost too pretty to eat. Almost.
I don't make barbecue chicken anymore. Mostly because no one in my family like barbecue sauce. I make a cake, although this year I made a pound cake. But we still party. We invite friends and family and we just enjoy the day.
I think the enjoyment part is why I love my birthday so much. There was a time, 17 years ago, when I thought I would never feel joy again. In the months after my mom's suicide I slipped into a place so dark and engulfing that I wasn't sure I'd ever make it out. My life was in danger and I didn't know how to climb out.
God is good though. He picked me up from the mire and I am not just surviving but I am living. I am blessed beyond measure with a loving husband and precious children. I have great friends who love me and stand with me every day. God is using me to bless others.
My birthday stands as a reminder to me that God is faithful and loving and that I matter to him. It is an anniversary of life and life is a gift. It's a gift that shouldn't be squandered, which is why I strive every day to be the woman God has created me to be. I want to learn and grow and know more about who he is. I want to experience his love richly and I want to share that love with others. And if that means I have a kick-off party each year that includes sparklers and cake...then it's all the sweeter.